There is an unsaid contract between our relational dynamics. It's interesting when we hire someone for work we talk about roles and responsibilities. We talk about accountability and good fit-ness. We clearly communicate what's expected of the person and what are they to receive in return.
Somehow when it comes to our personal lives we want to keep everything vague and unspoken. Knowing that the steaks are much higher. The impact is more. So is the vulnerability. We don't have a custom of having those conversations that seem difficult.
So we enter into a relational transaction with not many tools apart from hope. It makes sense why getting close to someone can be scary if all you have is hope.
One of the most common phenomenon in is the expectation that people have whereby they feel they have earned the right to expect something out of someone by virtue of their willingness to bend backwards for them.
Your feelings are you feelings and it's important to take ownership of how you choose to express them, how far you are willing to go and becoming aware of your motives. We all have motives. And contrary to the popular perception it's not a "bad thing" it's a human thing.
Concluding that we are not cared for or significant because the people we were ready to go an extra mile for didn't do the same in return is perhaps a model that doesn't serve us too well. Instead if we learnt to communicate our feelings and emotional expectations it can allow others not only the chance to get to know/understand you but also provide you the opportunity to make sense of your own needs.
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #growwithawg
Ever wondered why we procrastinate? Why we wish to be rescued? Why do we desire that something will magically happen and it feel great?
Ever pondered why do we not eat healthy? Why we do not look after ourselves emotionally and spiritually? Why we sabotage and self destruct?
Perhaps it's worthwhile to reflect how we came into this world. With no choice and control. With no responsibility to assume. Needs were generally looked after. Our wellbeing was someone else's responsibility. Our emotions and feelings didn't make much sense and neither did we spend much time worrying about them. We would forget and distract ourselves.
Somehow it seems we haven't really been able to leave these early programs of functioning. We have not embraced our adulthood. We still survive on the most primitive of reactions and coping mechanisms. Our potential has multiplied but awareness of this expansion is yet to catch up.
It seems sad or pessimistic to think and believe it's us for ourselves. Those who rely on themselves do so with such vigour, that they forget to experience the joy of attachment. The pleasure of sharing ourselves with another be it emotionally, intellectually or spiritually.
For every excuse that we have, that stops us from growing, that hinders our path, that makes us delay our achievement that costs us our benefit; we need to question ourselves. If we don't do it, then who will?
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #cognitive #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfawareness #perspective #growwithawg
No one really talks about what it's like when you've been raised and conditioned to believe in something that you start to see faults with. Or when you compare how norms were like as a child as opposed to what they are like now, and the ways it impacts you. Many of us are not even aware.
When we observe narratives and values in the light of inaccuracy or redundancy, we can potentially end up questioning our very selves, since those things have been something we have believed and advocated for throughout our life. They were ideas we identified with perhaps. In such a situation the mind usually deduces we were wrong to believe in all that to begin with or that these narratives no longer serve our current times. This can be emotionally confusing and frustrating to say the least. There is a search for new set of ideals. One doesn't have much knowledge or direction when this typically happens. Therefore, changing it doesn't come as easy as one would like it to be.
This process usually starts with experiencing certain level of shock when one experiences that the past conditioning is being counter productive. Possibly, denial can follow this realization. It is then overcome by confusion and disappointment. One doesn't know what's a replaceable alternative. And all in all we can't talk about this, which makes the feeling worse.
We might not always have a navigation map out of these emotional dilemmas but what can be suggested is perhaps kindness and patience towards the self. It's okay to feel these feelings. There is no right or wrong. Some processes are more painful than the others and that hurts and you can allow that hurt to happen so that it can complete it's cycle and then leave. Resisting pain makes it persist.
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #growwithawg
How we feel on the inside is projected on the outside. Our feelings are our own business. Seldom do we appreciate this notion. We give up our power to understand them once we hold someone else responsible for them. When we don't understand them we repeat our relational patterns and experience the same heartbreak and disappointment.
The idea that no one can make us feel a certain way is quite alien to a lot of humans. We feel what we feel in regard to how we appraise and perceive. Our perception is tainted by the beliefs we hold about our own selves, others and the world at large.
An event is just information that enters the mind which is the processing system. Where in the brain does this file get stored and what is the output is always dependant on past experiences with which the mind has been programmed by. Emotions are a result of how the information through our senses is perceived and processed. Everything happens inside of us. We see what we see on the inside. We translate the stimuli we receive through our physical senses using our brains. All life happens inside of us. Yet it is funny how when we want to feel better we look on things to do and change on the outside.
#lifequotes
#heart #perception #cbt #corebeliefs
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #sense #lifequotes
#growwithawg
Our generation thinks they know more through experience so let's stay detached or burry ourselves under workload.. that's not what you were made for and the only problem with doing what you're not made for is … It doesn't work.. Not in the long run at least !
#growwithawg
There is a lot more to what meets the eye.. What the world and people you know look like are a perception of a projection.. Your standards of feeling can never be compared to anything or anyone..and they shouldn't have to be… Firstly because for a comparison you basically need to be able to measure the entities involved, and well, you can't measure what you feel within you let alone know what someone else feels and how much. Secondly, why? Where is it written that two people need to feel the same way to be validated? Dont look for your answers in someone else's story (which you will never be fully aware of). You were/are never in competition with anyone, nor are we ever identical. At the end of the day its about how you feel independent of anyone or anything. So focus on the SELF get to know it more, spend some time with it and develop it into a healthy existence..
#growwithawg
Most of us think we know ourselves but we don't. Not really. And how can we. From the moment we started becoming aware of ourselves we were told what to do and what not to do. What we should like and what is desirable. Some children had the opportunity to express their individuality to a certain degree others had to adhere and confirm. In an attempt to fulfill the need of belonging we grew up as individuals who have these definitions of success and happiness borrowed from those around us. Whereas to each person, happiness is a unique subjective experience. And here we are on a hunt for happiness by the model adopted from those around us. Who perhaps were never even happy themselves.
Our ideals about money, beauty, love, health are so faulty in the premise that we find ourselves in a tail spin. If all this assured happiness why do we not witness it practically. So many people try to find satisfaction (an inner experience) based on external experience. They look for their happiness in all the wrong places, and upon not retrieving it, get heartbroken. If we are chasing something we don't find consistently, it makes sense why their would be a certain degree of hopelessness (which is our current mental state of affairs)
Everything has become meh! For most people.
Question is, is the conclusion warranted? Happiness does exist but probably not by the definition and formula you have conjured up in your mind. The day you are willing to redefine it for yourself, the very moment you will se possibilities to its access. When you see those possibilities and pursue them you actually have a different experience. And boy do you look good when you're happy!
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#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #growwithawg
The levels to how far fear seeps into our being can sometimes be appalling.
Who knew that the survival instinct would become so complicated to hinder so many aspects of our life. That the survival instinct itself will become a threat to survival
We no longer live in the jungles to fear being eaten by a wild animal. But we live in the modern world with social animals like ourselves who we fear will damage us. The pain of which seems to be synonymous to innahilation, or so the mind convinces us to believe. But is it really the case?
Logic cannot defeat fear. It's very nature is irrational. Not only that, it has a way of making us feel and see and react to things that might not even exist. It would be fair to say fear makes us delusional if there was such a thing as an objective reality. So we're either scared of the past repeating itself or we are scared something will happen in the future that we might not be able to cope with.
The way it goes into loops of obssession and the biological effects it has on the body are not only detrimental but exhausting to say the least. Worst, is that, we don't know we manufacture it within our own mind factory. We create something that we detest! But it casts it spells tricking you into believing that it's existence is crucial, beneficial and protective.
We become self destructive in the name of fear while it convinces us it's helping us. How ironic!
You can not overcome fear by force you have to understand the nature of it. You have to heal trauma. The ultimate hack to fear is changing the perception of pain. If you do not fear pain. Fear cannot control you.
The next time you are scared. Please remember, fear is not worth it!
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #growwithawg
Post valentine's Day!
This day seems to hold a certain connotation to it. One that implies doing something special with someone you are in a relationship with or would like to be in one with. Roses, chocolates, perfumes, fancy gift boxes ideally should be exchanged. At some point or the other in our lives we have either participated in this perception or desired this for our selves secretly. Maybe we still do. Now, more than ever social media sets a precedence of exactly how you must celebrate this day, and less than worth advertising is just so sad. Our lives, personal and professional are only important and meaningful if our social media profiles reflect that image. Otherwise we tend to feel like an outcast. All the instagram-able posts about what you received and how you were surprised (speaking for the female gender here mostly) set an unconscious expectation that this should actually happen. That anything apart from this is depressing. Men on the other hand continue to grow indifferent (generally speaking)whether they have someone to celebrate valentine's with or not.
Exchanging gifts nurtures a bond with love, there is nothing wrong with that. However not everything has to be flashed and advertised. Not everyone has to know details about our personal lives. Neither do we need to set a social perception for those who might not be receiving all the fancy stuff we are putting up as part of the norm. Please remember these are not norms for everyone. Be more sensitive and kind. Embrace more grace. Love doesn't just entail material exchange but in fact involves awareness, appreciation, gratitude, and forgiveness. We can use this day to practice more of these virtues. These might actually help our relationships.
#fact #valentines #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #cognitive #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfawareness #safeplace #growwithawg #perspective
Early childhood experiences and trauma shape our perceptual filters of world view. We start wearing a certain tint of goggles and believe that the tint is the actual representation of reality.
For example someone who struggles with self worth will continue to do so regardless of the contrary evidence you might bring to them in trying to make them see their selves in a different light. This predominantly happens because the belief (based on past experiences) is so strong that it almost serves as a barrier to not let contradictory evidence pass through. The function of the mind is to provide a belief coherent reality. Hence it makes sense why we would like to be very selective about the kind of beliefs we want to hold on to; about ourselves, others and the world in general.
In the same way our emotional state also governs the faculties of understanding and knowledge incorporation. You will notice in an argument, one can try to make all the sense in the world to another person but they just won't get it. This can evoke anger, frustration and helplessness. Ever wondered why that happens? Or how after a heated interaction you want to be alone to calm yourself down?
Both situations refer to what we call a "triggered state of mind"
During such an episode the human brain loses the capacity to think logically or rationally as it goes back to some past experience which was traumatic and painful. It happens all the time in our daily lives. We just are not aware of it. Our past wounds get activated and so what is seen on the outside is a strong reaction with no capacity for reasoning or listening. Every time you find yourself or someone else not being able to listen and understand what the other is saying; understand that this is likely a triggered state. Hence, blaming, pointing fingers, critiscm are all in vain. The focus should be on cooling the mind down for it to stabilise if any constructive conversation needs to take place.
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #beliefs #triggers #emotions #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #growwithawg
People have funny points of reference when they measure success. It's usually by virtue of means the society or their parents set for them. It's understandable why they develop such models perhaps. From the moment they step into this world it is mommy and daddy who need to be pleased or else …..
Then come siblings who are another source of comparison sometimes verbally and sometimes otherwise. Then you're extended family, friends and cousins. Even your best friend in the neighbors could be used as a comparison. You go to school and then all the children in your class. You have to compete and stand out somehow with grades and best behaviour. You are then supposed to collect accolades in curricular as well as extra curricular activities. School records must be on point so you can go to a decent college which of course is another competition in itself. Before you know it you find yourself standing on your feet, needing to earn, wanting to make something out of yourself. You find yourself a job and there goes another competition. To be selected, retained and promoted. Next comes owning possessions, marriage and kids. Another race, more comparisons. You become a parent finally and the whole thing starts over again.
Can you see what's problematic with this wheel? It never stops! It makes people feel useless and anxious. There is always so much to come up to. Nothing is good enough. Well that's because you've got the math wrong folks. When you let external indicators determine your success and worth in life you have very little chance of living a life that is fulfilling. Or a shot at feeling contentment.
You need to know who you are where you come from and where do you intend to head to. The captain, the compass, and the destination is all you. The day you figure out you are your competition, you are your baseline and from you comes your benchmark, your KPI's, you would understand how easy life is meant to be.
ITS ABOUT YOU!
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #growwithawg
So you will get your share of life and it's lows. You can detest it, run from it, distract yourself or you can surrender and learn from the pain.
We want the good feelings but they do nothing but make us feel better. Is that all we want to do in life? Just feel good? How does pleasant exist without the unpleasant? Imagine something that makes you really happy. How long will it bring you joy if that is all you experience continuesly? Also how does it help you? How do you become more skilled by that? What does it teach you? How do you grow with a constant?
It's the loss that makes the victory so sweet. It's the hardwork that makes an accolade meaningful. It's the wait that makes the arrival exciting. It's the hunger that makes satiation worth craving.
Pain is actually the most sincere friend you can ever have. It never leaves you. Always brings an opportunity for growth and healing. It's consistent and reliable. You just grew up conditioned to believing it's bad and needs to be avoided. But the truth of the matter is you can not. Might as well make the most of it when it knocks your door.
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #growwithawg
One of the most overlooked concept in our perception of the human nature and it's basic instincts is the need for tactical stimulation or the touch of comfort.
We have ample scientific evidence to support how the brain performs better when it is exposed to regular human touch particularly in form of hugs. The heart and over all biological functioning in the longer run improves. Yet it's something we do not incorporate deliberately in our daily routines. Why?
I personally know people who feel uncomfortable with the idea of hugging. It's too "chum" too close too awkward for them. Overwhelming or even disturbing. It makes me wonder how they must have coped as a child without that physical touch, what's their story attached to the connotation of human touch and how without being aware they continue to deprive themselves of such a primary need.
A hug or a physical touch isn't just physical. It has a Psychological meaning to it as well. It embodies different messages like empathy, support, reassurance, love, longing, gratidue, safety and the list goes on.
In our age of digitisation. Most often the first thing we touch is our screens and perhaps the last thing we touch before going to sleep is yet another screen. Makes sense to why we so often feel empty and alone on the inside. Why is there a void we all try to fulfill in different ways. Whilst we are in the rat race remind yourself to create and access venues of physical touch and hugs. Normalize that for yourself and your loved ones.
P.s most of don't know the hug has to be at least 10 seconds long for the brain to start producing the good feeling chemicals.
#mentalhealth #relationships #relationshipadvice #pain #emotions #feelings #growwithawg #eq #boundaries #physicaltouch #life #soulpreneur #patterns #relationshipgoals #relationalpatterns #hugs
What happens when you touch a hot object? You immediately react and withdraw. Why? We'll, most obviously because it hurts. So, the body instinctively knows that pain is to be feared and avoided. It will cause damage.
What happens when we feel bad? Angry, sad, helpless, or hopeless? It hurts us. Hurt is decoded as pain and the mind gives the same response to it as it gives to physical pain. Whereas both are very different in nature.
Physical pain refers to the damage caused to certain cells of the body. Emotional pain points us towards past trauma or an existing wound. We don't have evidence that tells us that when we are experiencing a negative feeling it is damaging the biological parts of our body at that very moment. Of course prolonged negative emotional states do take a toll on the body which makes it imperative for us to learn how to deal with them. None of us want to fall sick but we end up that way if we can't manage our emotions.
If we actually start seeing our feelings as messengers we would fear them less perhaps and would understand that they are only here to deliver a message for our growth. When there is bad news we don't shoot the messenger. We work on what needs to be done.
It seems like we have a notion that if we feel emotional pain it will annihilate us. All of us can vouch for the fact that we have at times felt excruciating pain and it might have even felt like something died on the inside but after that we move on to live the next day and the next one after that. We move on.
It takes very little to become the sort of genius who can understand that as humans we have an unprecedented threshold for emotional pain. That feelings can be made sense of. That pain can lead to growth. There is an actual term called "post traumatic growth"
Sow your seed in pain and believe in the process. You will be surprised to see what comes out of it. Listen to your emotions. They are the wind that will carry your sails to the shore you're meant to reach.
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #cognitive #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfawareness #perspective #growwithawg
If you ever try to observe your response to uncomfortable feelings you will mostly conclude that you either feel you go in a downward spiral or you tend to run away from it.
It makes sense why both those situations happen for us because when we don't know what to do with a feeling it can pull us in either direction. Truth is we never learn to understand how our emotions work and what are some of the healthy ways of regulating them. We don't have healthy role models, we aren't taught this at school, no body really talked about feelings socially as kid, we don't learn about them at tuition centers, not in college not in university. We carry our ways out through trial and error as we grow up. We can learn about these things in therapy but then most have issues around that too. Why?
All the things that don't make sense also carry a certain level of fear with them. Which is what makes it so hard to just sit and allow the feelings to come up. Pain demands to be felt and it doesn't give up till you give in. Somehow we humans also have a twisted idea in our head that we should always feel good or else something is majorly wrong. That could not be further from truth. As difficult as it may seem we need to learn to sit with our negative feelings and allow the process to make sense. Ignoring them would just mean they will come back stronger.
At what point do you think you would want to be honest with yourself? What would it take for you to care about your feelings enough to educate yourself? To commit to becoming more resourceful? Some of the questions you would want to ask yourself.
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#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #growwithawg
We're are such action oriented beings or so we have conditioned ourselves to be, that we think difficult feelings need an action response too.
Sitting with discomfort can be extremely challenging. Especially if it's the first time that you are learning to do it. For most of us, it is. Connecting to the feelings. Letting them show up. Feeling how the body reacts. Letting the flashbacks come in. Just surrendering to the emotion would perhaps mean allowing those feelings to take you in. It sounds scary but it's actual relief, eventually. If you need to break down, you shall so you can reintegrate as a healthier whole. If you feel like crying, you must so you can release. If you feel like screaming, hitting, sitting in a corner, do whatever your body says instinctually. Find the safe space to release. The goal needs to be focused on not providing resistance to the pain. Scream in your car. Hit the bed. Like I said find a safe space.
Your pain demands to be felt. It will call you again and again till you can attend to it and let it impart the growth it intended to. Therefore, sit with it.
#lifequotes
#heart
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfdestruction #safeplace #sense #lifequotes
#growwithawg
It's not the feeling but the identification with it that causes us pain and discomfort.
As long as we are aware this is just a feeling, and we allow it the freedom to come stay and leave at its will. We are relatively in a better position to manage ourselves.
However sometimes we do feel a rush of emotions. Sometimes we are unable to cognitively monitor our thought process. Sometimes the only way to make sense out of the pain is to embrace the chaos. Not to fight it, not deny it, not deflect it or repress it.
Having an intense emotionally charged experience can be scary. One of the reasons behind that is our conditioning to the fact that we can't handle pain. Truth is we can. We can handle a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.
Allowing the pain to surface up with feelings, having the patience to sit through the process, permitting the senses to perceive the coded messages not only helps process pent up trauma but also provides insights to understanding ourselves better.
#fear #soulpreneur #mentalhealth #mindset #mindovermatter #cognitive #growrhmindset #heal #growth #psychology #awarenes #trauma #selfcare #selfworth #selfawareness #safeplace #growwithawg #perspective
One of the least talked about aspects of our lives: REJECTION.
We fear rejection in communities, families, workplaces, friends, partners, mentors, students, romantic interests, and the latest edition is social media environment.
Some will rebel and it may seem like they don't fear rejection at all but those are usually people who have already endured the pain of rejection to a degree where they act out upon that pain and put on the don't care attitude. Everyone cares and longs for acceptance but if that seems far fetched or impossible, or if personal freedom has been persistently compromised, the desire of acceptability tend to weaken.
So what is it about rejection that speaks so loudly to us? It speaks to our inner belief of not being good enough. Hits right at the core. We all believe we are not good enough with something or the other. And the reminder of this of feeling is an opportunity we would all gladly pass because it brings with it all the childhood pain where our parents/teachers intentionally/unintentionally made us feel that way. Every time we perceive rejection, that feeling just gets magnified. Hence, as means of coping we have organized our lives and personalities in trying our very best to never even come across a potential circumstance where rejection could be a possibility. This is us playing safe or so we think. But can we really? And whilst we ensure ourselves safety we also loose out on opportunities. Possibilities of something wonderful because we are busy protecting ourselves from the worst case scenario.
Dare to go do things that scare you. Show yourself and your feelings. Let the crowd around you get filtered by those who can be with you for who you truly are. Learn to stand alone if that maybe. You will sleep better, trust me. Embrace rejection if that happens. It will allow you the opportunity to heal your wounds and operate from the realization that you no longer are a child. Plus things are rarely as awful as we imagine them to be. When your time runs out your regret will hardly be the fact that you pursued something you desired instead it can likely be the opposite.
#fear #mentalhealth #mindset #growwithawg #rejection